Monday, October 25, 2010

Paranormal Activity: First Blood Part 2

From the people who brought you a bunch of shit that didn't make sense, comes more shit that doesn't make sense!


Here's how it goes: I'M GONNA RANSACK THIS WHOLE HOUSE! I'm going to bat at this baby mobile. I'M GONNA SLAM THE DOOR! I'm going to slowly pull the pool cleaner onto the patio. I'M GONNA FUCK UP THESE PANS!

Gentle people, what we have here is either a very uneven movie, or a demon with bi-polar disorder. The second installment to the horror sensation championed into distribution last year by an Internet campaign delivers a screech inducing, yet bumpy rollercoaster ride. Starring a cast of nobodies (except Katie and Micah from the first PA, who now both reek of fame), it rolls into theaters just in time for Halloween. Good thing, too, because my worn VHS copy of Blair Witch Project might not make it this year.

The pseudo-documentary pre/sequel follows a family settling in with their newborn baby boy, Hunter. A year passes, and they're splashing happily in their in-ground pool with Aunt Katie (gasp!) and Uncle Micah (gasp again!). The last time those two showed up, property values on a two bedroom townhouse went way down, so things are about to get freaky. And do they! The family comes home to find the house torn apart by what they think is a burglar; the superstitious Latino nanny warns of bad spirits; the dog barks at nothing.

A multi-camera security system (installed after the burglary), and a home video camera used to constantly film mundane household activities gives us plenty of views on the action. In the first PA, however, there's a reason for the home video camera to be running - here it belongs to what I reason are the vainest people on earth. The security cameras would have been enough.

Through these lenses, all the sudden Gotcha! bangs, thuds and other silence-breaking haunts come to life. But unlike the first one where tension built up slowly (keys dropped on the floor, a door pushed an inch wider) and large scares were earned, here the action jerks back and forth in an unpredictable pattern from big spectacles back down to tiny, creepy moments. Though much of the phenomenon in the first was explained (loosely), here it's theorized that a demon has come to claim the baby son, the result of a decades old curse. And . . . yup, they're sticking with that.

Yo, demon! Get me some Cheerios! 

But if the demon wanted to take the baby, why did he wait a year to do so? Was he waiting for it to ripen? Do babies have no soul before 12 months?

Alas, this is just one question among a multitude of questions surrounding the holes in this movie. Why did they not understand the nanny when she speaks Spanish, and then suddenly understand every word she says? Why don't they watch the surveillance tapes more often? Where does the dad go everyday when he abandons his family to the will of a baby-eating incubus?

Who knows. Who cares. Just enjoy the stupid fun. Happy Halloween!



2 comments:

  1. Haha! Love the review. Maybe the demon was giving the family time to get attached with the kid so they would care more if it's gone! :P

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  2. ok i realize you posted this a while ago, but i'm catching up, and i have some comments.
    1. i <3 superstitious latina nannies!
    2. why does the security cam say NRSRY-6? were there FIVE other security cameras in that room? that's ridiculous.
    3. there's no reflection of the baby in the mirror. that must mean it has no soul. therefore the entire movie is pointless.
    BUT the first one scared the bejesus out of me, so i'll probably see this one too.
    halloween 2011 - scary movie marathon? let's do it!

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